I’m a recovering people pleaser.

For years, being “good” and “kind” putting other people’s needs before my own felt like a core part of who I was. It was an identity I was proud of. Until I realised it was coming at the expense of my own wellbeing. In trying to be kind to everyone else, I was actually being unkind to myself.

And if you’ve ever found yourself saying yes when you meant no, overextending your energy, or prioritising others at the expense of your own needs; you might recognise parts of this in yourself.

There’s a common belief that if you accommodate others first, you’ll be liked, appreciated, and respected. That if you are easy-going, always available, always agreeable—you’ll be valued.

But what I found was the opposite.

The more I overextended myself, the more I felt overlooked, underappreciated, and disconnected from who I really was. And you might notice something similar. No matter how much you give, it still doesn’t quite feel like enough.

It wasn’t until I started questioning my beliefs around people pleasing that things began to shift. And these are some of the stories you might also be carrying:

“If I set boundaries and assert myself, I won’t be liked.”
In reality, I noticed I deeply respected people who could clearly communicate their limits and needs. And chances are, you do too. Boundaries don’t push the right people away; they create clarity and trust.

“If I say no, it means I’m being unkind.”
The truth couldn’t be further from this. Saying no is often the kindest thing you can do for yourself and for others. It honours your capacity, your energy, and your truth. As Brené Brown says, “clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”

“I just want to be liked.”
But pause for a moment. Do you really want to be liked by everyone, or do you want to be respected? And if someone only “likes” you when you abandon your own needs, is that connection truly worth keeping?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” - Brené Brown 

As I began to practice setting boundaries and expressing my needs more clearly, I found something unexpected. And you might too.

The very things I had been seeking through people pleasing all along.

More self-respect.
More respect from others.
A deeper sense of self-awareness.

It hasn’t been easy. People pleasing is a pattern built over time and unlearning it takes conscious effort. It’s a muscle, one that you strengthen with practice. One boundary at a time. One honest “no” at a time.

But the more you show up as your full, honest self, the less you feel the need to earn your place in other people’s lives.

And that, in itself, feels like freedom.

If you’re starting to question your own patterns, take this as your invitation to begin gently. One small shift, one honest moment, one boundary. And notice what begins to change.